Cousin Ed
by MantaFlipper9
Summary: Edd's cousins visit him for Spring break, but Eddy sees scamming potential in them. (I wrote this back in the 2000's and decided to bring it here.)
1. Cousin Ed - Part 1

It was a spring day, and the Eds entered the front door to Edd's house.  
"Next time, our plan has to be big," the short Ed with only three hairs on his head known as Eddy said.  
"I've made the calculations, and the viscosity of the foam noodles can't hold if it's made of gelatin and marzipan mixture, which naturally dissolves in water," said the other Ed boy with a black beanie named Edd, known as Double D to his friends.  
"Mars is cool! We should go someday!" exclaimed the tallest Ed with one eyebrow and poor hygiene, who was slower in the head than the other two.  
They walked past the den to the kitchen.  
"I'll go get the tools for our next project you wait out here," Double D said.  
But Edd smelled something burning, and it was coming from the kitchen.  
"Oh, my!" Double D said concerned. "I hope my kitchen isn't burning down!" He ran towards the kitchen and stopped when he saw a girl with black shoulder-length hair taking something out of the oven.  
"Hello, Cousin Edd!" Said a younger girl with dark hair in pigtails sitting on a stool a foot away next to the oven.  
"How's my favorite cousin?" The older girl said coyly.  
"Hello, what are you doing here?" Edd said.  
"Double D! Can you take any longer!?"  
Eddy walked in to Edd's kitchen with Ed.  
"Huh? Who is that?" Eddy asked. "And why is she baking in your house?"  
"We're just two of Edd's favorite cousins," the older girl said.  
"You have cousins, Double D?" Eddy asked.  
"Cousin Double D?" The younger girl said, "I like the sound of that!"  
"Well yes, that's my nickname," Edd explained to her, "to distinguish me from my friend also named Ed.  
So what brings you here?"  
"We're here for Spring Break, didn't you hear?"  
Double D ran over to the fridge, where a sticky note had been posted which said:  
Dear Eddward, your cousins are spending their spring vacation with us. We well be back shortly as we are helping your uncle get a spare tire for his car.  
Love Mom and Dad.

"Who are you're friends, cousin Edd?" the small girl asked.  
"Hello, my name is Ed!" said the big guy, "and this is Eddy!"  
"I'm Sandy! And this is my sister, Molly!"  
"And we thought we'd bake you something while we waited for you," Molly said.  
"What flavor is that cake?" asked Edd.  
"It's my favorite flavor... mud!" Sandy said.  
Edd made a face, obviously disgusted. "I doubt it's edible."  
"Well, if you don't want any, maybe your friends do," teased Molly.  
"Oh, oh! I want some!" Ed shouted.  
"Ok," Molly said and held the cake out with a plastic spatula. But Ed gobbled up the cake messily and face first. Molly looked awkward.  
"Mmm... buttered toast," he said.  
"Not buttered toast," said Molly "it was a mud cake."  
"That's it!" said Eddy, suddenly hit with an idea. "We can open up a bakery! Kids will pay good money for pastries!"  
"Eddy, we already had a bakery, remember?" Edd reminded him, "and it ended up in a mandible travesty for poor little Jimmy."  
"Yeah but they'll be no bowling pins in this one, I've sure learned my lesson," Eddy said.  
"Especially at the fists of Sarah," said Ed with a worried expression.  
"But this time, well specialize in pies and cakes! And maybe Molly and Sandy can help us bake them!"  
Eddy said. "It's perfect,"  
he said with a sly grin.  
"So, is this something you do everyday?" Molly asked her cousin.  
"Basically, yes," Edd replied.


	2. Cousin Ed - Part 2

They set up their pie and cake stand in the middle of the cul-de-sac's very center.  
They all put on paper bakers' hats.  
"This is gold!" Eddy said, "with our two new accomplices, we'll be slurping jawbreakers for weeks!"  
"But don't they at least get a share of the profits?" Edd asked.  
"Yeah," said Molly "don't we?"  
"Um, yeah, sure," said Eddy almost dismissively, "Now let's get selling!"  
And sure enough, some customers came by, Ed's sister Sarah and her fragile friend Jimmy. Molly and Sandy whipped out their dirt pastries iced with real icing, or other substances that looked like it, such as plaster.  
"Welcome to Ed's Bakery! What can we do for you two youngsters today?"  
"We would like a chocolate cream pie!" Jimmy said. "Mmmmm..." the two kids both said together in unison, licking their lips.  
"Right away! You two are lucky, since we've got one fresh baked," said Eddy, handing out the pie. "That'll be fifty cents."  
The kids paid him and took their pie. Eddy snickered and looked at the quarters in the jar with glazed eyes as  
Sarah and Jimmy walked away.  
"If the other customers are as big of suckers as they are, we'll be swimming in jawbreakers for months!" Eddy said.  
The next customer was Jonny, who ordered a cake for Plank's birthday.  
The next customers were Kevin and Nazz, who ordered cupcakes, which were 5 cents each.  
Eddy laughed slyly as they paid. "Why didn't we think of this before? Molly, Sandy, you're scamming geniuses!"  
Sandy looked confused, but she wasn't focused.  
"Uh, thanks...?" Molly said.  
Sarah and Jimmy were preparing for a picnic with their dolls on the front lawn.  
"Mmm!" said Jimmy, licking his lips. "I can barely wait to taste this scrumptious pastry."  
"Let's have at it, Jimmy!" Sarah said in a chipper tone.  
She sliced it and put a slice on each of their plates.  
"Mmm..." said Jimmy. He took one bite, but discovered the "secret ingredients".  
He let out a high-pitched wail, then said "Yuck! I bit into a wiggly!"  
Sarah then knew who was exactly to blame. "ED!"  
"Hey!" Jonny said, also getting in on it. "This cake crumbled apart when I tried to get it home and I found rocks inside!"  
"Hey, Dorks!" said a familiar square-headed jock. "These cakes flaked!"  
"How could you just sell mud and dirt for us to bite into? So not cool, and very... kindergarten of you!" said the blonde next to him.  
Just then, Molly walked out with another fresh baked mud pastry, but the metallic hole where her boot was laced tore down the banner and exposed more dirt pastries.  
Edd looked nervous, while twiddling his fingers.  
"Let's pound those three dorks!" Kevin yelled.  
Eddy screamed and ran as the other Eds followed him. Ed knocked down the pastry stand, but the kids got hold of the dirt pastries and started chucking them at the Eds.  
The Eds, being bombarded by cupcake bullets by Sarah, and with one last cake throw by Kevin, scraped Eddy into a nearby lawn, with Eddy doing a faceplant slide into it.  
"Well, I feel good," said Sarah.  
"Yeah," added Kevin, and he and the other kids walked away.  
Eddy, with grass on his head, spit out some dirt. "That was the worst scam ever!"  
"But, Eddy," said Edd, "moments ago you were saying how superb the scam was."  
"And you even said me and Sandy were geniuses," added Molly.  
"So maybe we had a setback, but the next scam will be even better, without the help of your cousins this time," Eddy said.  
Molly crossed her arms.  
"That was a fun game!" shouted Sandy! "Let's play again!"  
"Actually, Sandy..." Edd began, but he was interrupted by her loud shout.  
"Eddy is fun! I like Eddy," she continued, "in fact..." she started to say softly "I love Eddy..."  
_Oh no..._  
Sandy started to run towards the short Ed boy, and he screamed and ran away.  
"Eddy! Eddyyyyy!" Sandy shouted as she chased him around in circles.  
"Double D! Stop her, will ya?" But both Edd and Molly started snickering.  
"I see she's developed a precocious crush," said Edd.  
"Eddy!" Sandy shouted as she continued chasing Eddy, who tried to run to his house.


End file.
